Quick Answer: How Do I Stop Being Defensive And Argumentative?

What is being defensive in communication?

Defensive communication is a communicative behavior that occurs within relationships, work environments, and social groups when an individual reacts in a defensive manner in response to a self-perceived flaw or a threat from outsiders..

What is defensiveness a sign of?

People react defensively because they anticipate or perceive a threat in their environment, not usually because they’re just wanting to be difficult. Unfortunately, defensive behavior creates a reciprocal cycle.

How do you stop defensive behavior?

How to Stop Getting DefensiveRemind yourself of your deepest values. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. … See criticism as a sign of others’ belief in your abilities. … Cultivate a growth mindset. … In the moment, buy time. … Use classic: “I” statements.

What is defensive behavior?

1. aggressive or submissive behavior in response to real or imagined threats of harm. A cat, for example, may exhibit defensive aggression by spitting and hissing, arching its back, and raising the hair along the back of the neck in anticipation of a physical threat (see animal defensive behavior).

How do you respond to a defensive person?

Here are several steps that can help you become more emotionally intelligent when dealing with defensive people:Refrain from reacting defensively. … Shift your focus to the other person. … Ask questions until you understand them. … Move toward a resolution.

Why do I get so defensive when Criticised?

Is your first response to feel attacked, or unfairly singled out? Feeling defensive “is a natural self-protection mechanism that we have inside us”, says Dr Kate Renshall, a clinical psychologist based in Sydney.

How can I listen without getting defensive?

Self-soothe to listenWrite down what your partner says and any defensiveness you’re feeling. Dr. … Be mindful of love and respect. … Slow down and breathe. … Hold on to yourself. … Don’t take your partner’s complaint personally. … Ask for a reframe. … Push the pause button.

How do you stand up for yourself without being rude?

10 Powerful Ways to Stand Up for Yourself in Any SituationPractice being transparent and authentic. … Take small but powerful steps. … When someone attacks, wait them out. … Figure out what’s really bothering you. … Clarify first, without attacking. … Practice makes perfect. … Be deliberate. … Stand up for your time.More items…•

Is being defensive a sign of insecurity?

Defensiveness sends terrible signals. When you indulge in it, you’re likely to be seen as insecure, closed-minded and overly emotional.

What causes a person to be defensive?

To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn’t warrant it. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn.

How do you communicate with a defensive spouse?

Crucial Conversations with a Defensive SpouseWork on me first. First, I would invite you to consider your own behavior. … Talk about talking. Having examined and owned your part, ask for an opportunity to talk about how both of you talk. … Give her a reason to want to. Crucial conversations only work when there is a Mutual Purpose. … Influence with your ears.

How does defensiveness affect communication?

As a person becomes more defensive, he or she becomes less and less able to perceive accurately the message and the motives of the speaker. … It results in greater likelihood of the listener actually hearing the message, and being able to fully understand and evaluate it.

What’s the difference between being defensive and defending yourself?

Being defensive is about keeping people out (and guarding yourself about the information they are giving you), while setting boundaries is about taking the information in and protecting yourself—and potentially protecting the relationship from further harm. Want your passion for wellness to change the world?

What is defensive attitude?

Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. They have a defensive attitude as they try to protect themselves. … When someone has a defensive attitude, or is forced to defend something, we also say they’re “on the defensive.”